If you have talked to me or been a part of my life for the last 15 years, you may have noticed how unhappy I was....a lot. You probably felt my biting comments or saw my eye daggers. You may have been on the receiving end of my sarcastic jokes. I thought it was just me. I mean I come from a family of sarcasm. I thought I was funny. I thought it was just the way I was. It turns out I was wrong.
One afternoon , Kevin presented me with this book. He told me that he thought it would help me. I read the title, threw it aside, and cried. I was betrayed. How could my own husband think that I needed a book to help me with my relationships? I gave him the silent treatment for awhile, and I definitely did not read the book.
Years later, I picked it up and started reading it. I don't even remember why. But I am so glad that I did. I needed this book because I was miserable. I didn't even realize I was miserable. I was angry. I didn't even realize how angry I really was.
There are so many thoughts and tidbits that really made me think. Here is one that caught my attention right from the beginning: "Much of the time, the advice we give one another, like the advice of experts, is based on misguided diagnosis. Our advice trusts the experience of those who feel 'stuck' to identify the cause of the trouble. But when we are 'stuck,' we think, falsely, the problem lies with other people, when the truth is that the problem lies within ourselves" (pg 13). I was blaming everyone, especially Kevin, for my sadness or my misfortune, or my anger. It was really me who needed to change.
Another part that caught my brain: "...those times when we feel most miserable, offended, or angry are invariably the occasions when we're also most absorbed in ourselves and most anxious or suspicious or fearful, or in some other way concerned about ourselves" (pg 19). It could be that many of you are thinking, "Um no kidding, Lindsay!" But when you are caught up in your own misery, it is so hard to see it.
Bonds That Make Us Free is filled with information and ideas that explain why we may not be getting along with others or why we are so unhappy at times. The author, C. Terry Warner, brought me face-to-face with myself. I was so surprised with how much the people with unhappiness in this book were like me.
I still pick up Bonds That Makes Us Free when I need a reminder. I have highlighted important parts: sentences and ideas that I like to read over again. I read these concepts that make me know that I can do better and that I am better.
Why am I sharing this? Well, I want those of you who have been caught in the tornado of my anger to know that I am sorry. I realize how sad and angry I really was. And I have changed. I also want to share with others, if you feel like you just need a little help to understand why you're not as happy as you could or should be, you should take a look at this book.
Book Description from Amazon.com:
Life can be sweet. Our relationships with friends, spouses, colleagues, and family members can be wonderfully rewarding. They can also bring heartache, frustration, anxiety, and anger. We all know the difference between times when we feel open, generous, and at ease with people versus times when we are guarded, defensive, and on edge.
Why do we get trapped in negative emotions when it's clear that life is so much fuller and richer when we are free of them?
Bonds That Make Us Free is a ground-breaking book that suggests
the remedy for our troubling emotions by addressing their root causes. You'll learn how, in ways we scarcely suspect, we are responsible for feelings like anger, envy, and insecurity that we have blamed on others. (How many times have you said, "You're making me mad!")
Even though we fear to admit this, it is good news. If we produce these emotions, it falls within our power to stop them. But we have to understand our part in them far better than we do, and that is what this remarkable book teaches.
Because the key is seeing truthfully, the book itself is therapeutic. As you read and identify with the many true stories of people who have seen a transformation in their lives, you will find yourself reflecting with fresh honesty upon your relationships. This will bond you to others in love and respect and lift you out of the negative thoughts and feelings that have held you captive. You will feel your heart changing even as you read.
"It would not be accurate to describe this book as supplying the truths upon which we must build our lives," writes author C. Terry Warner. "Instead it shows how we can put ourselves in that receptive, honest, and discerning condition that will enable us, any of us, to find these truths on our own."
Finding these truths is the key to healing our relationships and coming to ourselves, and Bonds That Make Us Free starts us on that great journey.
2 comments:
Wow - props to you for being so vulnerable. I can honestly say that I have never felt this wrath you are discussing. I have always loved your company. You have inspired me to read that book. Funny thing, I've heard of it and thought "nah". Maybe I should give it another thought. I know that I could really benefit from it, especially since it made you feel so much better. I've noticed lately that I can be kind of "cranky" towards people (that's probably a nice way to say it). Thanks for sharing. I'll let you know when I finish it :)
Sounds like a great read...Everyone in our family needs a copy! lol :)
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